Look out world, because Tim Tebow’s new look is going to rock your world. If you think Derek Zoolander’s “Magnum” was breathtaking, you have never seen “Tebowmania” expressed through a ponytail. Behold.
Two dudes who know something about national championships. pic.twitter.com/TGu02K194t
— College GameDay (@CollegeGameDay) January 12, 2016
Okay…so there’s a lady standing next to him and it only LOOKS like he’s rocking a ponytail. But let’s let our imaginations run wild. Here are five professions that Tebow would be perfect for with this look.
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Front Man of a Rock Band
Buzz cut and pony tail, plus A-list celebrity looks? Tebow looks like he’d be the ideal front man for a popular alt-rock band that tours the nation and has women crowd-surfing topless just so he’ll acknowledge them. Shoot, Tebow right now is an ultra-religious, self-professed virgin and he has male and female groupies that follow him to training camps, even if they know he’s going to get cut.
Imagine if he was belting out ballads and/or shredding on the guitar? This is the best look for that.
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Male Porn Star
Tebow already has the muscular body type, and plenty of people would volunteer to be in a video if he all of a sudden gave up on his beliefs. But the ponytail just pushes him way over the edge into the adult actor vibe. Just look at Ohio State coach Urban Meyer’s face right next to him. Meyer has the look of Tebow’s disappointed dad, wondering how his son got into such a seedy business.
That ponytail…
Pro Soccer Player
Tebow’s a bit bulky for the pitch, but this weird shaved-side, ponytail thing wouldn’t be out of the ordinary in some of the European leagues, where the players take lots of fashion chances.
Look at these!
Tebow’s would probably warrant about 15 seconds of attention before the world began swooning again. Football isn’t working out so well for him, so maybe futbol is his true calling?
Fireman
Really his ponytail doesn’t lend itself whatsoever to actually fighting fires. This would just set him apart from other jacked life-savers for the annual calendar they put out. They’ve all got Tebow’s muscly build, but few would have an electric hairstyle that makes you take notice. Imagine being saved from flames by Tim Tebow?
Con Man
Just picture yourself somewhere in Spain, when a handsome man with a hairstyle you’ve never quite seen before shows up with a briefcase full of cash. He shows you the money, and tells you how you can make that and much more, if you just follow these steps. You’re saying no?
Tebow has convinced millions of people he’s capable of playing NFL football, and that he can just hop onto ESPN broadcasts when there are thousands of people across America training for that job, and going to college for it, that have to sit idly while an ex-player strolls right in. He’s already succeeded with trickery. The ponytail just opens up more illicit options.
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